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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27858449">Savage and Griefless</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daxiefraxie/pseuds/Daxiefraxie'>Daxiefraxie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, including some post kh3 wishful thinking</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:07:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,620</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27858449</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daxiefraxie/pseuds/Daxiefraxie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>She hadn't heard the name in years. Not in another's voice. No one but Larxene, whispering in the mirror so she never forgot the way it sounded, so she never let go of the taste of that girl's name on her lips, so she never forgot what it felt like to say it. And the sound drove a nail through her chest.</i>
</p><p>Headcanon-rich character study of Larxene / Elrena from daybreak to dusk to midnight to dawn.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Elrena/Strelitzia (Kingdom Hearts)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Savage and Griefless</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"It's stupid!" Strelitzia protested, her arms wrapped round her purring Chirithy, holding the feline spirit in her lap. "If he's in pain over his girlfriend, he needs better friends who take care of him, not to try to blow up the world."</p><p>They were sitting on the edge of the fountain together for their weekly book exchange.</p><p>"I guess you're just not a real romantic," Elrena said, reaching out to poke the other girl on the nose. Strelitzia scrunched up her whole face, and Elrena burst out laughing.</p><p>"That's not romantic," she said, "it's psychotic."</p><p>A little flicker of something. Was it anger? "Can't it be both?" Elrena fired back.</p><p>Strelitzia shook her head. "Killing a whole world just to bring one person back isn't romantic. Do you think she'd be happy with that?"</p><p>"She'd get to be with the person she loved," Elrena fired back, as if it were obvious. It <i>was</i> obvious.</p><p>"She didn't fall in love with a murderer!" Strelitzia laughed. "If he thought she'd want that, then he wasn't the man she fell in love with at all."</p><p>"People change." Not the strongest argument, but it was the best she had offhand.</p><p>"And he changed into a bad person!" Strelitzia concluded.</p><p>Elrena rolled her eyes. Strelitzia was wrong, obviously, but it was just a book. Just a story. It didn't matter that much.</p><p>******</p><p>The Superior called it desperation, the final act of absent entities, putting their every being into one attack. "We are each born through manifestation of a powerful will," he had said, "and I would like you to show me the limits of your will. Do not disappoint me."</p><p>Larxene could have enjoyed the sight of Marluxia on his knees, her smug friend brought down a notch, but she didn't feel much of anything these days. "Don't die," she offered, with cheeriness falsified twice over into a thin saccharine paste.</p><p>Marluxia's breath came shallow, and the base of his scythe was against the ground, the man struggling to stay upright. She wasn't surprised, Larxene was still sore from her own similar examination a day previous. "Helpful as always," he spat back.</p><p>"I have no plans to end your existence," Xemnas corrected, not looking away from Marluxia, "but you should not expect mercy. In this ring, I am your enemy. Now, get up, Number 11."</p><p>Marluxia obeyed, straightening first one leg, then the other, pulling his scythe up and holding it uneasily in both hands. He looked like he'd collapse any moment.</p><p>Xemnas lifted his blade. There was a moment of silence, a moment where neither man moved. And then, the blade fell.</p><p>"<b>Specter</b>!"</p><p>A burst of rose petals. In a blink, the weapon vanished from Marluxia's grasp. Two black wings spread, and two pale silver alongside. And a scythe blade whipped out from empty air towards Xemnas's neck.</p><p>The Superior shifted instantly, throwing up an arm, twisting into the blow. If Larxene's reflexes had been any less sharp, she wouldn't have been able to see it at all, and she had serious doubts she could have reacted like that. The pole connected with the flat of Xemnas's arm, and either the impact or the Nobody's own effort sent him backwards, sliding just out of reach of the edge of the blade.</p><p>But Larxene's attention was on the so-called Specter standing in front of Marluxia. Wrapped in a dress the color of pale dusk turning to night, ribbons trailing off its back, two trails of black tears running down her...her cheeks...</p><p>Larxene's lungs stiffened into stone. The memory hit her like lightning, and it was lightning that came after, coursing through every limb, her entire nervous system overloading into her bones.</p><p>Xemnas was a liar. That didn't elucidate the truth, but it painted a pretty clear picture in her head. Because an empty woman shouldn't have felt the depths of fury and pain that shot through her chest at the sight.</p><p>It was her. Marluxia's 'desperation' was <i>her</i>. She'd sprung to his aid. <i>She</i> was here and she had chosen her fucking brother over–</p><p>A twisting vine of grey thorns slammed into the wall next to Larxene's head. She flinched.</p><p>"Your intervention in this battle is unneeded," came the smooth voice of her Superior, "Number 12."</p><p>Her knives slipped back into nonexistence. "Whatever," she said, playing it off, locking her eyes on the Specter even as it flickered and faded away, even as her unheart dripped agony into her veins with every beat, even as her chest ached with the first emotion she'd felt in over a month.</p><p>******</p><p>"I would like to speak to you about yesterday," Marluxia said, no hint of false emotion in his voice, the first words he'd spoken to her all morning. The kitchen was as empty as their respective chests, an affectation that aided routine. Food could grant a petty enjoyment, a little pleasure amidst the numb sea, but it was rarely worth the effort to anyone but Demyx.</p><p>She sat down across from him. "What about it?" she said, her voice empty. She wasn't awake enough to fake the irritation that felt appropriate.</p><p>"You looked ready to kill." It was a simple statement of fact.</p><p>"Did I now," she replied; not a question. "What, are you going to tattle on me?" She could bear a little performance, just a hint of mockery, for a friend.</p><p>"Wouldn't dream of it." A smile, as useless a gesture as ever. "Your secret is safe with me."</p><p>"Hm," she said, raising an eyebrow slightly. "What the Superior doesn't know, won't hurt him, then?"</p><p>Marluxia laughed; Larxene hadn't expected that. "Well put. It won't hurt him, indeed. At least, until it does. What a shame that would be."</p><p>And it clicked into place in her head. He had seen only her murderous intent, not whom it was pointed at. And out of the coin-flip guess, he picked the wrong side. Not that she was complaining. "Can I assume you have similar secrets, then?" She leaned over slightly, one elbow on the table, her chin in her hand, a smirk on her lips. Playing along. Simple, nothing more than the same acting she always did. He knew something, she knew he knew something. And so long as she could be along for the ride, she'd find that out, eventually.</p><p>"Perhaps I do," Marluxia said, noncommittally. He brushed a strand of hair out of his face. "If I did, would you inform our mutual Superior?"</p><p>Larxene forced a laugh – not that every laugh wasn't forced, in some part. "Oh, please. I'm a bitch, <i>not</i> a snitch."</p><p>He chuckled. "I suppose then, we are cohorts. As old times."</p><p>"Sure," she purred, her fingers clenched against her cloak under the table. "Just like old times."</p><p>******</p><p>Namine only slipped past her defense once. "Will you hurt me?" she asked.</p><p>Larxene hesitated. An odd taste in her mouth, something foul. Like the memory of doubt. "This isn't personal," she said, her tone light. "You're just unlucky."</p><p>"Unlucky?" the girl asked. Meek, tired. Curious, oh so very fucking <i>curious</i>.</p><p>"Wrong place," she said, stretching a hand out to the side, staring at the back of her glove as if admiring her fingernails, "wrong time." Lightning curved across her fingers and the girl flinched in the corner of her eye. "There's something I need, and Sora can help me get it. Not that a little brat like you would understand."</p><p>"C-c-," Namine stuttered, "could you let me help you?" Larxene's throat tensed. "Maybe I could get you what you wanted some other way, so you wouldn't have to hurt Sora. Please, let me–"</p><p>"Shut up," she said. No emotion, she didn't need it. She reached out with one leg and pushed Namine's chair back, half a foot across the floor until both girl and chair were against the wall. A sharp crack, and the girl let out a pathetic sound, clutching her sketchbook tight to her chest, her eyes screwed shut. "Some witch you are. When we found you, I had some hope that maybe you could be helpful, but all you can do is mess with memories of one dumb kid." The hair on the back of her neck stood up as she glared at the cowering Namine, electricity arcing up Larxene's legs and down her arms. "You couldn't even pull one little itty bitty memory from Marly's empty brain, and you want to try and tell me <b>you</b> could bring her back!?"</p><p>Larxene's near shout echoed off the white walls, driving itself into her ears, shoving lucidity back down her throat. Namine hadn't budged, hadn't said a single word beyond "sorry," hadn't stopped fucking whimpering. A spot of red growing amidst the girl's blonde hair.</p><p>Larxene let out a tired breath, and waved her hand limply, a green glow around her fingertips. Cure magic wasn't her specialty by any means, but a little impact scratch like that was paltry. She should have caught herself sooner, but it wasn't like her allies would complain about her roughing up the prisoner. "So that's that. Now do your job, or else I'll have to do mine."</p><p>******</p><p>Recompletion was a bitch.</p><p>"Elrena–" he said.</p><p>"Don't <i>fucking</i> call me that," she snarled back. She couldn't stand on her own. One hand on the nearest wall, one hand clutching the front of that stupid white shirt she'd outgrown. Her chest was on fire. Her <i>heart</i> was screaming. Every inhalation she thought of the Castle, or of Strelezia, or of the Specter, and every exhalation tore another bolt of agony through her. "Just go away."</p><p>"I'm not leaving you like this."</p><p>The faint scent of flowers, a momentary calm soaking across her– "Don't you fucking touch me!" she shrieked, whirling around, voltaic energy flying off her fingertips. She winced immediately, agony shooting up her arm, and she grabbed her hand as it pulsed with pain. Human bodies weren't meant to channel magic like that, and hers was making that very clear. "And don't try that stupid sleepytime magic against me, you overgrown thorn in my ass."</p><p>Marluxia lowered his arm. Did he look guilty? She was too panicked to tell. "Where else do you plan on going?" Even though he was human again, he still sounded numb. Quiet, empty. Maybe that's why he could relax with the beating tumor now embedded in his chest.</p><p>"Anywhere!?" She laughed, and it felt so painfully fresh, like thin air that burned her throat, like drinking cold water after brushing her teeth. "Anywhere that isn't back into that stupid hell cult."</p><p>Marluxia just stared at her, blankly. He adjusted his black vest, glancing off towards the distant castle, that hollow and abandoned bastion. "There is nowhere else for us. You know that as well as I."</p><p>"Us!?" she spluttered. "What do you mean <i>us</i>, Marluxia? There is no us! We were two freaks in a pod and we finally get to be human again and you want to run off back to being a Nobody!? Good fucking luck with that."</p><p>"Xemnas knows something."</p><p>That gave her pause, but it didn't dampen the ire. "How to be a cult leader? He's a one-trick dipshit, I'm not surprised."</p><p>"He knows something about Strelitzia."</p><p>She hadn't heard the name in years. Not in another's voice. No one but Larxene, whispering in the mirror so she never forgot the way it sounded, so she never let go of the taste of that girl's name on her lips, so she never forgot what it felt like to say it. And the sound drove a nail through her chest.</p><p>"I don't remember who she was," Marluxia said, "but I remember the name. Back when I first woke up, I remembered it. And I know Xemnas knows something more. I can't tell you why, but he does." His voice caught, and he cleared his throat. "El...Larxene, please. Just one last time, I need to know who she was."</p><p>Larxene let the silence hang. She hated this. She hated him, for this. "Fine," she said. "Fine. Lead the way." At least the numbness would be a preferable alternative. At this point, she'd take death. She'd prefer to die than to ever feel that fucking pain again.</p><p>******</p><p>Maybe she was getting used to waking up alive. Maybe it was just under better circumstances. Her heart still ached, new and red and raw, but it was a dull ache.</p><p>Elrena sat up. Lauriam was leaning against the nearby wall, his eyes closed. Maybe sleeping, maybe thinking. "Guarding me till I woke up?" she offered.</p><p>"The least I could do," he said. Quiet. He had always been soft-spoken, but this was new. "We're friends."</p><p>"Well, that's one more dead end now," she quipped. "Literal dead, literal end." Elrena grabbed a nearby box, forcing her stiff legs under her. This place wasn't Radiant Garden. She actually had no idea <i>where</i> this was. "You always know what to do, right? So, what's the next step for us?"</p><p>"Us?" he said. "Larxene, there is no us."</p><p>Her chest felt cold. "Elrena," she corrected. Why did this feel like an echo? Why did this feel like a nightmare?</p><p>He pushed off the wall, facing away, glancing up at the night sky. "We're even now. Don't expect any further favors from me."</p><p>"Chivalry isn't worth much," she replied. Dread in her gut. Maybe he could hear it in her voice. "What did I even owe you for, anyway?"</p><p>"You knew." She had never heard him angry before. Not like this. Not <i>ever</i> like this. "You knew who she was. This whole time, you knew. Didn't you?"</p><p>She didn't say anything. Elrena couldn't lie, not enough to convince him, not so soon after regaining her heart. If she said anything, he'd see right through her.</p><p>"When I woke up, did you know what I felt?" Lauriam laughed. "First feeling of this life, and I was guilty. Same as last time. I thought I was weighing on you, that I'd been dragging my friend along when she was in pain. Because I couldn't do this without you. But you didn't come with me as a friend, did you? You came with me because you wanted <i>her</i>."</p><p>This was a different hurt, Elrena decided. Cold, and precise. Lucid agony. Like a car crash in slow motion. "Oh no," she said, with frigid sarcasm, "you found out your best friend was just as much of a piece of shit as you were. How tragic."</p><p>Lauriam whirled, but Elrena was quicker. She punched him in the nose as hard as she possibly could.</p><p>He was on the ground, clutching his face, swearing. There was probably blood on her knuckles.</p><p>"I knew," she said. "You're damn right I knew. I knew she was your sister. And the only reason I followed her around was because I thought maybe, <i>maybe</i> you might find out how to get her back. I was only buddy-buddy with you because she was part of the equation." And she laughed. It was honest, for the first time in years. "So fucking what!? You think that gives <i>you</i> the right to judge <i>me</i>?"</p><p>"You're a psychotic bitch," he snarled, adjusting himself, dripping blood onto the bricks.</p><p>"Pot meet fucking kettle!" she replied, grinning. This was agonizing, and she'd never felt more alive in her entire life. "I was in love with your sister and I was going to help you find her and that makes <i>me</i> the bad guy!?" She howled, just tilted back her head and laughed until her ribs hurt and there were tears in her eyes. "That's fucking rich, coming from you. You think I wanted to be little miss sadist my whole life? Play second fiddle to the creepy gardener everyone tells their kids to stay away from? Grow up." She grabbed the tie around her neck and tightened it until the edges of her vision darkened. "You want me gone so bad, fine. Good fucking luck getting Strelitzia back without me. Everyone knows between us, I'm only one with a functioning brain."</p><p>Lauriam grit his teeth so hard she'd assume there should be sparks.</p><p>"Oh, and let me know when you do, so I can make sure to tell her every fucked up thing we did to find her." Elrena sneered. "Like when we sicced the Organization's dog on Vexen for shits and giggles. Or how about when we brainwashed some kid into trying to murder our boss? Oh, better yet, let's tell her about all the little ways we tortured Namine into–"</p><p>He swung. Blind, furious, and she was faster. Elrena twisted, sweeping her leg behind Lauriam's, sending him sprawling across the ground. He didn't get up. Just breathed, shallow and furious, staring at the bricks on his hands and knees.</p><p>"You're pathetic," Elrena said. She turned on her heel and walked towards the alley's entrance. "Have fun chasing ghosts, you hypocritical sycophant."</p><p>******</p><p>"If I can be honest," Aqua said, handing Elrena a bottle of water and sitting down on the bench with one of her own, "I didn't expect you to show up here. Certainly not alone."</p><p>"Someone needed to teach me how to use a Keyblade," Elrena replied, pausing to take a swig. It was almost dark, the early evening air mixing with the sweat from her earlier practice to send inconsistent shudders through her. "This place seemed like the best bet." Considering Lea's new family wanted nothing to do with her, and Riku and Kairi would probably attack her on sight for...well, they could take their pick of grievances.</p><p>"And how's your friend?" Aqua asked, seemingly unaffected by the cold. "The one with the pink hair?"</p><p>"We're not on speaking terms." It had been long enough the words didn't bite at her tongue when she said them, but not long enough to clear the ache from her chest.</p><p>"Oh?" Aqua raised the bottle to her lips as she waited for Elrena's reply.</p><p>"Yeah, he found out I'd only been hanging out with him cause I wanted to get with his sister."</p><p>Aqua spluttered, coughing on the water in her mouth and then clearing her throat.</p><p>Elrena laughed. "Sorry, sorry."</p><p>"Was this..." Aqua cleared her throat again. "This sister another Organization member?"</p><p>"Nope. She's long gone. Since before we joined the first Org." Elrena took another sip.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Aqua said, quietly.</p><p>Elrena just shrugged. "It's fine. It's been long enough. I should...probably try to move on, right? Stop holding onto that."</p><p>"That would be for the best," she agreed, "but that doesn't mean you have to. The best choice isn't always the right one. If you never had time to grieve, there's nothing wrong with doing so now."</p><p>Time to grieve, huh? "I'll keep that in mind," she mumbled.</p><p>******</p><p>Namine's eyes were bright. Elrena hated to admit it, even to herself, but she'd still expected the cowering little girl from Castle Oblivion, not the young woman who stared right at her.</p><p>"You're looking good, kid," Elrena said, in lack of anything better.</p><p>"And you look awful," Namine replied.</p><p>"Being a grown-up will do that to you," she shot back. "Just wait, you'll be just as awful as me one day."</p><p>Namine paused. "I hope it's not cruel of me to say," she said, slowly, carefully, "but I don't think I want to be anything like you."</p><p>"That sounds about right," Elrena said. She couldn't deny it stung. "Smart kid. Not being like me sounds like a good start." She couldn't quite see Aqua, just barely out of the corner of her eye, but she could tell the Keyblade Master was uncomfortable by that derision. She'd spent the last couple months trying to train Elrena out of that, after all.</p><p>"May I ask you something?" Namine said, a little abruptly. Like she'd been rehearsing the question.</p><p>"Shoot," Elrena replied.</p><p>"You mentioned someone, back in the Castle. I don't remember much, but I think you said something about bringing someone back." Her gaze was sharp, careful. The well-trained eye of an artist, no doubt. "Who was that?"</p><p>"Not someone you could have known," Elrena said. She preferred not to answer. She hadn't ever forgotten Strelitzia, not gotten her out of mind for more than a few days at a time, but it didn't make the subject any less painful. Aqua had said she was still grieving. Elrena had replied that if grief felt like this, she was ready to be a Nobody again.</p><p>Namine shook her head. "But who were they to you?" </p><p>No getting out of this one, huh? Elrena took a long breath in. "I was in love with her," she said, simply. Like yanking out a knife. "She was gone, and I wanted to get her back. More than anything."</p><p>A little pause. "I still don't forgive you," Namine said, almost apologetically, "but thank you. For letting me understand you. I think that helps."</p><p>"No prob, kid." She had the distinct and powerful urge to ruffle Namine's hair, but she resisted. "If I can help more, just say the word."</p><p>Namine smiled, then turned and ran back towards the enormous door. Not out of fear, just...youthful vigor, Elrena supposed. A need to get somewhere and a somewhere to be getting. Riku, at the doorway, gave Elrena a slow nod as Namine passed him, then he too turned and walked down the stairs and out of sight.</p><p>Aqua's footsteps echoing in the vast hallway. "Thank you for doing this. I know it was difficult."</p><p>Living was difficult, she wanted to reply. Living with what she'd done was doubly more so. But depression wasn't her style, so she just shrugged. "I've died twice already. This was cakewalk."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As with all of my recent KH ideas, this one was unintentionally inspired by my friend Quinn. It ended up being both longer and more rambling than I thought, but it turns out I enjoy writing Larxene way too much to put her down djfbgjh.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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